The Frying Pan of Fear, Part 1

Before Martha goes into the kitchen to prepare food for an extended-family holiday gathering, she puts on her lucky apron, the one she worn last night when she baked those perfect pumpkin pies.  Her hands tremble as she ties the apron strings behind her.  In Martha’s mind, her apron has begun to take on a life of its own. With this shield of gingham cloth, Martha not only wants to protect her good clothing, but also she’s trying to protect herself from another ‘kitchen disaster’.  She’s hoping her apron will be a ‘magic amulet’. Unfortunately for Martha, the apron does not have the same understanding of its function. It can safeguard her shirt from spills, but it doesn’t help her distracted state of mind. Not paying attention to the present moment causes her to let the steamer boil dry before the rice is cooked. Poor Martha encounters another unexpected situation, and becomes even more agitated, leading to more difficulties in preparing several recipes. These cooking mishaps occur whenever Martha feels inadequate and challenged in the kitchen. This circumstance most often involves cooking for her in-laws.

When Martha makes meal for herself, her husband and their toddler, she enjoys the experience. She is happy in the kitchen. Relaxed and confident in her abilities, Martha enjoys the task and revels in her creativity. But when holiday plans involve preparing food for company, the open and spacious joy she normally experiences when preparing food disappears.  Martha feels as if she’s shrinking and contracting with doubt and fear.  Martha sees herself as inept, unable to cook properly. And she is afraid. In fact, Martha laughingly says, she feels like she’s ‘burning in a frying pan of fear’. Martha’s distress began the Thanksgiving she hosted the family gathering for the first time. She enjoyed preparing her carefully planned menu. But at the last moment, Martha became distracted by her guests all arriving at the same time. In her eagerness to greet people at the door, hang up coats, and make certain everyone was comfortably seated with a welcoming beverage, Martha forgot about the pots and frying pan on the stove. Suddenly, the shrill alarm from the smoke detector blared, and everyone ran into the kitchen.  Fortunately, there was a lot of smoke, but no fire. Unfortunately, the meal was ruined. Martha’s frying pan of sweet potato croquettes were burned to a crisp. The other pots had scorched as well.  Martha was devastated. The family was very understanding, and everyone enjoyed the take-out Thai food her father-in-law ordered, but Martha couldn’t shake the feeling that she was a failure. It was not just that she ‘failed’ to make the lovely meal she had planned, but she couldn’t cook. Martha feels she’s an unworthy chef, an unworthy person. Now, whenever Martha even thinks about her in-laws coming for dinner, she becomes anxious and uneasy.  Martha sees herself as an incompetent cook, basing her belief on her interpretation of that initial experience.

 Martha realizes that as she thinks about the menu for the coming holiday meal, the memory of each previous experience of cooking for her in-laws immediately pops into her mind.  She notices her breathing is rapid and shallow; her whole body feels tense and uncomfortable. Her head hurts, and her nerves feel stretched to snapping.  Anxiety and distress pervade her being, and fear seems to settle in every cell of her body. Sadly, the whole fearful and threatening process keeps compounding and repeating itself with increasing intensity.  It is no wonder Martha doesn’t look forward to entertaining. What is Martha to do? Check in next week to read the solution (hint: it involves practicing zen-cuisine and noticing the breath) 
Happy Cooking!