The Frying Pan of Fear, Part 2

 Last post, we read about Martha and her anxiety when cooking for company. We might be tempted to say her discomfort in the kitchen is a result of ‘conditioning’ – having failed once, she repeatedly expects to fail again. Yet Martha’s experience goes beyond conditioning into the realm of being itself. “The cook who carelessly burns the company’s food in the frying pan” becomes Martha’s belief about herself. After her first unexpected ‘disaster’, Martha ruminates and worries over the sequels incident. Based on one set of circumstances, Martha makes a decision about herself, and about who she is in the kitchen. Instead of seeing herself as someone who goes into the kitchen and cooks, usually very skillfully but sometimes not so skillfully, she believes herself to be a ‘failure’; in fact, she is overwhelmed by the very fear of failure.  As this fear narrows her sense of self, Martha imaginatively likens her experience to burning to a crisp in the frying pan of fear.  This searing, painful frying pan damages her well-being, and burns her in the unbearable heat of her negative reaction to her previous experience. In her mind, she inadvertently reinforces this distorted self-image, and rehearses similar painful sequels to the original situation.

What does Martha decide to do? She practices zen-cuisine. Happily, zen-cuisine offers Martha some skillful tools to help turn off the heat under the frying pan.  Her practice starts some weeks before the anticipated holiday meal. To begin, Martha sits quietly for a few moments every morning, allowing herself to think about the coming holiday. Using her breath as a way to calm and center herself, Martha gently begins experiencing her discomfort in all its complexities and nuances. Although this is initially unpleasant, Martha is determined to sit with what arises in these moments. She chooses to embrace her fear, and to allow the frying pan to become a teacher, a means to end her suffering. Befriending ‘what is’, she sits and breathes deeply, reminding herself of the freshness of each moment. Mindfully, she holds on to her awareness of the present moment, not letting her mind spin off into fantasy about future disasters, or relive horror stories from the past.

 Staying centered on her breathing, Martha explores the sensations in her body. Anxiety and distress seem to settle in every cell. She senses the tension they create, the feeling of ‘burning in the frying pan of fear’ and realizes this stress is causing her to suffer. In fact, she feels this contracted self prevents her from truly experiencing life as it is. As she calms through focusing on her breath, Martha’s reality shifts. She begins to feel herself opening to the possibility of entering into the spacious joyfulness and harmony of her kitchen. This is the beginning of a beautiful new friendship with herself as she wakes up to the ever-changing nature of reality, and the creativity of being grounded in the coming and going of the breath.

Stay tuned: In the next post, we will explore further steps Martha took to overcome her anxiety. No longer suffering from a false and limiting self-image in the kitchen, she jumps out of the frying pan of fear into the joy of living fully.

To find this recipe for Yellow Beans with Garlic and Chives visit the August 18, 2011 blog at http://juicyfoods.blogspot.com/